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By members of the Blackbirds, the Hondas & Astraea August 12, 2002 So you've just come out to your friends/social circles/pet dog, and they've been polite enough to not use terms on you that you don't like or they're willing to follow the plural preferences? Great! But what about things your group can do to make it easier on them?
1. Be patient when people ask questions. We've invited questions via the
Layman's Guide; it's our responsibility to make it easy for them to ask, and to
be patient even with things that may seem ridiculous or obvious to us. Remember,
this is a very different way of thinking for most singlets. They need
maximum exposure to plurality as an open, friendly, human state of being. Set an
example by providing thoughtful, courteous replies to all questions. If you
don't know the answer, say so, and take the extra time to help the person find
out, if possible.
2. Try an online group journal, diary or blog. Online journals can be
useful to familiarize people outside the group with those they might not speak
with directly on a regular basis. By reading entries by different persons, they
can be better prepared with an idea of the person if they ever meet them.
Individuals should sign their entries, if at all possible. Some groups do so at
the end of entries, while others do it at the beginning. Livejournal is preferred by
some groups because it allows you to use small, customizable images (see below
on the use of icons) to identify yourselves. In Livejournal, these images are
viewable only if you are being read on another person's 'friends' page or if you
go into the individual entry ("comments") section, but they are still a good
thing to have.
3. Use icons with pictures of individuals and names.
You can use a simple graphics editor to create pictures with names merged in, so
that readers have a visual marker from the beginning. Livejournal icons are
100x100 pixels: AIM's are 48x48. You'd be surprised what you can get into such a
small area, with a little ingenuity.
Such icons are invaluable for settings such as AIM, when many people may step up
and back during a conversation. Many groups report feeling awkward over
identifying themselves, or might simply forget to do so when someone steps out
fully enough ("Hi, this is ___"), so the subtler marker of a named image tag is
very useful indeed.
Icons can help give an idea of a person's general appearance, mood, or
atmosphere, depending on choice of images and text. You can also make general
icons for the group -- with just the group name on them -- when many people are
out or an individual does not feel comfortable identifying him/herself. This
way, others know they are speaking with someone other than whom they're used to,
even if an individual's name is not given. People feel more comfortable online if they have an image to relate to. This can become especially useful for persons in the group who have nonhumanoid bodies. If you are a sentient octopus, by all means find a nice octopus graphic and put your name on it.
Trillian, the free program
that operates five different chat clients, can use 48x48 "buddy icons" for AIM. It's also possible to create "weemees" or other types of avatars in AOL Instant Messenger and other messaging programs.
Here's some examples:
4. If possible, Keep a fairly consistent staff of
frontrunners, and keep others informed of changes in the staff. It's not always possible for every group to do this. But if you can, it's wise to
keep a consistent general group, at least at first, with whom outsiders can come to expect to
interact. It creates a sense of familiarity and security. This way, even though
there may be many dozens of people around, outsiders can count on the presence
of at least one person they know and will feel comfortable speaking to.
Many functional groups have no particular subgroup of frontrunners. Some don't
have a lot of co-consciousness or in-house communication, and even some groups
who do communicate well, such as Astraea, cannot control who's up front at any
given time. These things don't prevent a group from being functional. If your
group doesn't operate in such a way as to allow for a consistent frontrunning
staff, there are other things you can do. Whoever comes up can introduce
themselves. In writing emails or online diary entries, you can identify yourself
in the subject line, and sign it. In chat, you can use named icons, as described
above.
By providing an open platform of stability, you allow others to continue feeling
they can rely on you even when they do not know all the details.
5. Identify names of persons in your group, and distinguish people in your
group from people outside it.
One means is to identify plural status in a name by stating an '&' symbol
after either the group name or the individual's name. For example, in speaking
of the group of the Blackbirds and an individual named Lucas within it, you can
use either Blackbirds& or Lucas& if Lucas is currently speaking for the
group but wishes to be directly addressed in replies.
For speaking of individuals within the same group as the speaker, the '^' sign
can be used before the name. A person in Lucas' group who is talking about Lucas
would refer to him as ^Lucas. If a person outside his group wished to refer to
Lucas in terms of his group, it would be Blackbirds^Lucas. Since there are
people named Lucas in other systems, you can also use this to distinguish
between Army^Lucas, Blackbirds^Lucas, etc.
In practice, it would work like this:
Lucas and Luka are in the group of the Blackbirds.
The Blackbirds refer to Astraea as Astraea&, Jay&, or John&
depending on whether they're specifying the group in general, or an individual
in terms of her group.
Luka would refer to Lucas as ^Lucas in her writings because they are both in the
Blackbirds.
If Astraea needed to identify Lucas to a third party, they would refer to him as
Blackbirds^Lucas; if the Blackbirds spoke about John to a third party, they'd
say Astraea^John.
It sounds complicated, but it becomes easy quickly. Use this or any other means
you are comfortable with, as long as people can understand who and what you're
referring to.
6. Do not go to lengths to prove the existence of others by introducing a
number of people at once.
In the experience of many groups, most outside the group usually only interact
with a handful of people. Even if those relationships remain strong, non-plurals
sometimes report feeling as if they have "lost the person they were friends
with" as they suddenly become aware of many others. They may also feel as if the
individual they knew was somehow unreal, since what may have appeared to be one
person may actually have been several working together. Rather than disturbing
their mental footing, let outside people go at their own pace. Some friends
would prefer to continue interacting with the specific individuals they know,
even if they understand and respect that those individuals are part of a group.
6. Do not expect automatic respect because you come from/are/etc. In any
case, we should expect others to behave toward us with common courtesy no matter
what we are, but not expect to be treated in the earth world with the kind of
reverence we may get back home, unless we are able to demonstrate that we
deserve it. It may be hard for us to remember that others don't always see who
we really are. In our own worlds we may be Gods, princesses, guardians, mighty
hunters or whizbang journalists, but nobody's going to see that out here unless
we bring some of those traits with us into the earth world, which is very hard
sometimes.
The wisest thing for us to remember whether we're angels, aliens or aristocrats,
is always to behave with courtesy and self-respect, which will hopefully earn us
the same in return.
"But aren't we asking for special treatment simply because we're plural?" No.
What we're asking for is common respect. Right now, we have none. Say "multiple
personality" and the public thinks of impossible mental cases. A web search
turns up one crude joke after another, people make casual reference to plurals
as sociopaths, TV and movies show us almost invariably as serial murderers. This
public fear and ignorance is what must be overcome. Every minority has had to
fight for public acceptance and an end to invisibility. Now it's our turn.
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